Ikhlas

Satu kata, ikhlas.
Tapi butuh begitu banyak waktu untuk dapat benar benar memahami dan mampu mengamalkannya.

There are these moments, when you feel like u've already reached the point that u believed "i am already in the state of ikhlas" buat then you get stuck and u realize that u are nowhere near that point.

Maybe, im not trying that hard, or maybe, i just couldnt accept things as it should be.

To be able to tell other : yang ikhlas ya, yg sabar" is such a piece of cake. It would be as easy as 123. But to be able to really tell your self to let go, is completely different. you know why? because everytime we tell ourselves to be able to feel ikhlas, we deny it back. We know exactly that we're not that good to really come clean, to be the one who smile inside and outside.
So tell me, am i hypocrite to tell myself that i am okay, but i am not? totally not?
to be able to smile, to be completely tear-less, angerless, yet i feel like im choked all the time, but i know that there is nothing that i could do but to accept and embrace things?